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Oh sugar, my sweet, sweet friend; it’s time to say goodbye once and for all. There will be no more turning to you in times of weakness, when I’m feeling down or lonely. No more late night binge sessions watching the Bachelor. You’re bad for me and you definitely don’t have my best interests at heart.
10 reasons I have to quit sugar for good
Here are all the reasons I have to quit you for good:
Sugar causes belly fat
I can’t get rid of the belly fat and you are completely to blame! I have no energy so you’re even stopping me from exercising. You make me store fat like I’m a bear preparing for hibernation and you just won’t let it go. My hormones are totally out of whack because of you. I know without you I can return my hormones to normal and start to lose that belly fat.
Sugar causes high cholesterol
You are scaring me with these high cholesterol numbers and my blood pressure is through the roof, it’s obvious you don’t care whether I live or die even though I feel nothing but love for you. Leaving you will bring my numbers to healthy, normal levels.
Sugar causes inflammation and feeds bad bacteria
You’re really cruel and I feel like an old person because of you. I hurt all over, in every joint, the stiffness when I wake in the morning is so wrong. The inflammation is just too much for me to handle, it’s got to stop. All you want to do is feed bad bacteria and my body reacts to it with inflammation while my good bacteria starves and dwindles away. Without you the bad bacteria will not have food, this will give the good bacteria a chance to flourish especially with the addition of fermented foods.
Sugar gives me wrinkles
You are purposely making me look older just so I won’t leave you and look elsewhere for a better relationship. The wrinkles, dull and lifeless skin make you feel secure. But guess what? I am leaving you and I’m going to look younger, have glowing and clear skin and you can’t stop me. I’m leaving you for fermented foods like sauerkraut, kimchee, yogurt, kefir and kombucha they will love me like you never could.
Sugar weakens my immune system
I’m constantly sick with colds and flus because you know it’s another way to keep me tied to you. But when I quit our relationship I know I’ll have a stronger immune system and I’ll better be able to resist those bad germs and viruses.
Sugar wrecks my digestive tract
It’s true you don’t mind my farting and belching but I do mind! The environment you’ve created in my stomach is making it nearly impossible to properly breakdown my food. By the time it gets to my digestive tract it causes my intestines to leak undigested food into my body and this only adds to the inflammation. Without you in my life my body will start to get the nourishment it requires to be healthy so there will be no more gas, bloating, digestive distress, diarrhea or constipation. I say good riddance!
— The Awesome Muse (@theawesomemuse) April 27, 2017
Sugar may be connected to cancer
I know cancer is your pet project and the ‘gift’ you truly want to give me. I have to decline so don’t even waste your money. When I quit you it will kill, by starvation, any lingering cells that want to transform into cancer. I don’t like to think of myself as a murderer but the way I see it, better them than me.
Sugar may contribute to Alzheimer’s and dementia
At one point I really thought our relationship would endure ‘til the day I died (know you’ve been trying to make that happen sooner than later). I see now you truly wanted to give me Alzheimer’s or dementia so I would forget how awful you’ve been to me. I fooled you; it will never get to that point, you’re vision will never become reality.
Sugar only makes me feel happy temporarily
I thought I needed you in order to be happy, I thought you made feel better. Unfortunately, those feelings were only temporary and then I wanted you even more. You’ve made me suffer from anxiety and depression just so I would be dependent on the brief feelings of bliss you gave me. I’m no longer into band-aids that only cover up the real issues behind the depression and anxiety. I’m going to face my issues head on and move forward without you.
The more sugar I eat, the more I crave
You have been a cruel friend, you’ve been manipulating me all along. Making me crave you and feel like I couldn’t do without you. I know now your secret intent has been to feed the bad bacteria. What I didn’t realize was how loud those buggers scream ‘FEED ME!” and that the more of them I had the more I craved you. What a tricky bastard you are.
I realize now it’s always been about you, you, you! With your goals met you were getting everything you wanted while I got nothing. I was blind to your selfishness, your narcissism and your cruelty. I’m awake now and no longer going to live in your thrall, so goodbye sugar. I mean it this time.